Mommy in the middle
This is the part of my blog where i wrestle…i really wrestle with the balance of being a wife and mother and being in ministry. If anyone out there has struck up a good balance PLEASE give me pointers!
Today was a forced day off…my mind, my body, my emotions just stopped working. I couldn’t push myself any more, folding laundry was painful, I dreaded having to talk to anyone but my family, and i prayed fervently that the woman who was suppose to come over to get help on her resume would forget our appointment.(She did!-one advantage of working with the poor 🙂 Danny and I ignored the door, we stayed in our pajamas all day, and we watched the Office, read books, talked, and took a nap. I took advantage of this day to think about some question that have been nagging in the back of my mind for months. Am i forsaking my first calling of being wife and mother because there is ALWAYS something going on here? Am I taking on more than I can handle? Isn’t there some way to slow things down? If I JUST focus on my kids, then what about ALL the kids I know who need someone in their lives? What about hospitality? Am I involved in all these things because I want to be superwoman and have bragging rights to how busy I am? Am I trying to find my identity in the list of things that I do? Are my kids going to grow up feeling like Mom was too busy saving the world? What is my role that God wants me to be focusing on?
While the kids were napping today, I looked up a bunch of verses about women and their roles in the new testament:
1 Corinthians 11:7
A man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man. For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.
So I am the glory of man and i was created for him. (MY man, Danny) How do i be the helpmate I was created to be? Is it by taking on just as many responsibilities as Danny so that more aspects of the ministry are covered? It seems to me that that is trying to BE a man…be the housewife AND the worker (not breadwinner because we’re in ministry not in the workforce)
1 Timothy 2:9-15
I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.
A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent. For Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. But women will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.
It struck me today, that I, as a woman, am to be clothed with good deeds that are appropriate for women. so there are good deeds that are good for men to do and good deeds that are good for women to do…the passage goes on to explain that teaching or having authority is NOT in the category of appropriate good deeds for women (i secretly think this is because we are more emotional and we are control freaks) but a VERY important good deed for women, in fact it supposedly saves us, is childbearing and living in faith, love and holiness.
Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.
I’ve kind of been asking God for a specific job description and it doesn’t get much more clear than this. But at the same time, what about all the needy people around me? What about the kids that come over constantly because they want to experience a home life that doesn’t include zombies in front of blaring televisions and fighting or abuse. What about the hundreds of kids I know who don’t have moms who love their husbands (because they don’t have them) and who don’t love and care for their children in their home? What about the food pantry at our church that greatly needs someone to pursue food grants and needs an organized system, or the after-school program that needs someone to teach the Bible lessons, or the big fundraiser that needs a director, or the teenage guys that need food, or one of our boys who needs baby-sitting so he doesn’t sleep and talk on the phone all day and the list could go on and on…how does a person balance it all, how does a mom surrounded by dire need, still stay focused on her home, her husband, and her kids? I don’t really have any answers. I don’t have any profound conclusion. Maybe I am just looking for a formula or a set of rules, when all i need is a Person. A Person who will walk with me through each decision, each opportunity to help, and each time I have to say “no”. A Person who wants me to hope in Him and not in a job description. A Person who actually already has everything taken care of, and in His grace lets me be a part of it. A Person who is in charge, so that I don’t have to be.