Here I make some confessions, very humbling ones, that expose the twistedness of my heart….the other night I spent three hours (into the wee hours of the morning) working on putting another blog post up and then perusing a bunch of other people’s blogs…that was three hours compared the the groggy 30 minutes that I spent reading God’s Word at 6 am that morning. Now, I’ve only been back at this blogging thing for a couple of weeks now, and it is alarming how easily blog idolotry has crept into my heart.  The whole reason I started blogging again was because I felt the Lord leading me to….but look how quickly I have started to find my identity in a stupid online “journal” and the responses I get from people concerning it. I have checked out and compared myself to other bloggers, belittling myself when I know I will not be able to keep up with how diligent others blog, or what beautiful pictures they post of living overseas or the deep insights they have about parenting, or the cool features they have on their blogs like music playing and high tech links.  After that three hour session I got on my knees and confessed it to the Lord.  I have quickly let my heart look to a “blog presence” to find an identity, when the most wonderful identity has been purchased for me by the REAL blood (not cyberspace) of Christ.  I refuse to let this happen. I refuse to try to gain glory for myself, or build an identity for myself because God has already told me that the Lord is on high and He looks upon the lowly, but the proud he knows from afar.” (Psalm 138:6) I am not willing to be known from afar by the Only One who is worth knowing.  I refuse to indulge the thought that I might have something to share that would help or challenge someone.  I am an aweful, twisted, vain person.  No, don’t read this blog, shut your computer and go spend time at the feet of Jesus.  He is the only One worthy of listening to.  He wrote a blog called the Bible and its ALIVE and ACTIVE and its SHARP and it will cut you to the heart, and then Kimberly Iverson can’t take a lick of credit for challenging you.  It will all be Him and He’ll get the glory that is due His name.

As I prayed about what I should do, I didn’t feel like the Lord was telling me to quit blogging all together (although I would if He led me to). The legalistic part of me wanted to not ever post a blog entry on Facebook ever again (Danny said he didn’t think I should do that, either). But what I can do is cry out to the Holy Spirit to keep my heart in check (and get Danny to help me) and I can just quietly write for the audience of ONE.  (and maybe my sister..and dad… and my grandma… IF she can figure out how to get to my blog).  And that is it.  I would rather humble myself before the Lord than have to BE HUMBLED by Him, which He promises to do (Pr 3:34)  The wedge that pride and vain-glory creates in intimate fellowship with THE WORTHY ONE is just too high of a price.  

My prayer is that of A.W Tozer’s in The Pursuit of God

O God, Be Thou exalted over my reputation. Make me ambitious to please Thee even if, as a result, I must sink into obscurity and my name be forgotten as a dream.  Rise, O Lord, into Thy proper place of honor, above my ambitions, above my likes and dislikes, above my family, my health, and even my life itself. Let me sink that Thou mayest rise above.  Ride forth upon me as Thou didst ride into Jerusalem mounted upon the humbles little beast, a colt, the foal of an ass, and let me hear the children cry to Thee, “HOSANNA IN THE HIGHEST”.  Amen.